How To

Deal with Telemarketers

Disclaimer: Many people don’t want to receive calls from telemarketers. These tips are designed to help you deal with unwanted calls. Please recognize that telemarketing is an important industry and that many businesses count on this type of marketing for much of their sales. And the people who call you rely on this business for their income. Please consider this as you think about you how you respond to telemarketing calls.

In the U.S. you can now register on a national Do Not Call list. Most telemarketers cannot call your telephone number if it is in the National Do Not Call Registry. You can register your phone numbers for free on line at http://donotcall.gov/. Your registration will be effective for five years. You may still receive calls from political organizations, charities, telephone surveyors or companies with whom you have an existing business relationship.
If you receive a call you don’t want, consider hanging up as quickly as possible. The faster you hang up, the faster the telemarketer can proceed to a call where someone is more likely to be interested. Don’t get mad at the person on the phone; this is their job and they probably don’t get paid much for it.
Would you like to avoid telemarketing calls while you’re having dinner? Simple. Don’t answer the phone at dinner time. If it’s someone important, they’ll leave a message or call back.
Auto dialers automatically dial your number from a database. Once you answer the phone, the call is connected to an operator, and information about you (e.g. your name) pops up on his or her screen. This connection results in a short delay, often a second or two after you answer. Because of this, the operator doesn’t hear your first response. When you say “hello” and no one responds, this is a good indication that an auto dialer has dialed you.
To avoid telemarketing calls, be careful about giving out your name and number; don’t sign up for contests, don’t always send in warranty cards, and watch for opt in / opt out features on web sites where you are asked to register. Marketing companies use these techniques to build call lists.
Don’t always say “yes” just to please people. Take control of your life and just say no.

When dealing with telemarketers

If you are interested in an offer, ask telemarketers for their company's name and address and a clear explanation of the offer they are making.
Ask about the company's refund policies.
Consider asking the caller to send you written material to study before you make a purchase.
Talk to your family and friends, or trusted financial advisors and get their advice before you make any large purchase or investment.
Don't ever pay for any prize or send any money to improve your chances of winning. It's illegal to make you pay to enter most contests.
Beware of “free” offers. You may end up having to pay for numerous additional charges such as taxes, handling and shipping that make the deal much less attractive than it seems. Remember the cardinal rule; if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Trust your gut and say no.
Don't allow any caller to bully you into buying something “right now.” If the caller says: “You must make up your mind immediately” or “We must have your money today,” it may be a scam. Good offers will last and don’t need to be rushed. Nothing is that urgent.
Never give out your bank account number. Crafty scam artists can use it to withdraw money from your account without your permission. Sometimes they may sound like bank inspectors or the police, doing a fraud investigation and asking for your help. Investigations are never done this way.
Be cautious about giving your credit card number over the phone, unless you know the organization well. If you have doubts, call them back, asking for their customer service manager or the public relations department. If they can’t give you a number, or if you’re not satisfied with the response you get, say no.

Humorous Responses

Many of the following are actual responses. They are listed for entertainment value. Please be considerate in deciding whether to use them.

Speak as if you can’t hear anything while the telemarketer makes a pitch. “Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Oh, I guess not.” (hang up)
Tell the telemarketer that you’ll be with them in a second; you have a call on the other line. Then pretend to transfer, but don’t. Pretend to speak to another person and tell them you have some dumb telemarketer on the line. The telemarketer of course hears everything.
Speak a foreign gibberish language. This works for panhandlers on the street too.
(In response to carpet cleaning services). “You clean carpets? Fantastic, you’re just what I need. Can you get blood out of carpets? Yes? A whole lot of blood? I’ve got a lot of blood on my carpet, it’s everywhere, and I need some help, fast. Can you come over right away? But don’t let anyone know you’re coming OK?”
If they want to give you a loan, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
Telemarketer: “How are you today?” Response: “Well, that’s so nice of you to ask. As a matter of fact, I’m a bit upset because my cat got the runs. And you know, just last night, I felt this twinge in my back as I was bending over to take care of a hangnail on my big toe. Have you ever had one of those? I hope not, because it’s as bad as an itchy scalp, and I’ve got that all the time. You just don’t know the pain I’m in…etc”
“We had an outbound-only phone at a tiny little company I worked for briefly... when it rang, it tended to get answered with “Joe's Porno Shop” or something equally off-putting. Compounding the irony was the fact that it was outbound-only because it was the line the company used for, get this, telemarketing.”
Telemarketer: “Is Mr. or Mrs. Maynard there?” Response: “No I’m sorry, they’re not.” Telemarketer: “When will they be in?” Response: “Well, they died…”
The Seinfeld classic: (in response to a telemarketer) “Thanks for calling. Say, I’m a bit busy right now. Would you mind giving me your home telephone number? …Oh, you don’t like getting business calls at your home? Well, neither do I. Good-bye.”
Telemarketer: Is this Mr. Smith?
Response: Yes
Telemarketer: How are you today?
Response: Fine thank you.
Telemarketer: I’m conducting a survey on behalf of candidate Stanley Liebigski. Could I ask you a few questions?
Response: You just did.

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