 |
Get Rich While You Take a Bath
From: Vague Company With No Name To: All Fortune Seekers Subject: Get Rich While You Take A Bath
Dear Anonymous Person, Get rich while you take a bath! This message sort of complies with the new bill regulating e-mail commerce and the placement of dry cow droppings. As per Section 301, Paragraph (a)(2)(C), further transmissions may be stopped by replying with the word "remove" in the subject line. This also works with the words, "cut it out", "please, please, pretty please stop", or "Just shove your message where the sun don't shine". You can earn $50,000 or more in the next 90 days sending e-mail!!! Or you can rob a bank, win the lottery or have a rich uncle die. Take your pick. Due to this letter's popularity, a major nightly news program recently devoted an entire show to see if it really can make people money. Wow, an entire show; a distinction normally reserved for celebrities caught in the act. Their findings proved that there are absolutely no laws prohibiting this scheme. There are laws however prohibiting nude jay walking, owning more than 12 cats with three legs and sneezing loudly at the opera. The program showed that this is a simple, harmless, fun way to make extra money. Yes, harmless. HERE IT IS BELOW. Well, not really, but keep reading all this tripe. These programs work best when there are lots of paragraphs of nonsense to keep you interested without explaining anything. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The following income opportunity can be started with VERY LITTLE investment and the income potential is TREMENDOUS!!! It will be particularly appealing to people who enjoy using lots of exclamation marks and long lines of dollar signs!!! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ THIS IS A LEGITIMATE, LEGAL, MONEY MAKING OPPORTUNITY. Why? Because it's written in capital letters. And because it was on TV, and if it's on TV, it must be legitimate, right? It does not require you to come into contact with people or do any hard work. You never even have to leave the house, change out of your bathrobe or take off your fuzzy slippers. THIS IS IT! Simply follow the instructions, and your dreams will come true. Except for the dream involving you, that hot neighbor and the hole in the fence. This multi-level e-mail program works perfectly...100% every time. And you won't have to give 110% like all those silly athletes. We know our math. E-mail is the sales tool of the future. That's also what they said about floating toilet targets, but they were wrong about those. MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING has finally gained respectability. Business schools with fancy names claim that over 50% of products will soon be sold through multi-level. Just think. Some day soon an old high school friend will be recruiting you to sell the latest in nose hair clippers. You see, 45 people become millionaires everyday through Multi-Level Marketing. Of course, 10,000 people lose their savings every day from MLM, but who's counting?
TRUE LIFE, REAL, ACTUAL TESTIMONIAL: One year ago I received this program. I almost let this opportunity slip through my fingers. Must have been the engine oil that was covering my hands. Other schemes I received, in my opinion, were not cost effective. And I have a pretty good opinion, especially of myself. Sometime later I re-read everything. This was a bit tricky, what with all the greasy pages. I had recently incurred financial problems. I owed my family, friends, creditors and guys with baseball bats driving noisy sports cars over $35,000. I couldn't seem to make ends meet, probably because I never took a knot-tying course. I had to borrow against my home to support my family, my gambling, my mistress and my antique lawn mower collection. I didn't send for this program. They just got my name off a mailing list. Probably that foot-odor-fetish chat group I subscribe to. THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!!! After reading it several times, I couldn't believe my eyes. So I put my glasses on. Here was a MONEY MAKING PHENOMENON. I checked with the U.S. Post Office and they confirmed that it is indeed legal! And they know everything! So I decided "WHY NOT?" Initially I sent out 10,000 e-mails. I didn't have 10,000 friends at the time, though I now seem to have 10,000 enemies. Within two weeks I had received over 50 responses. Within 45 days I received $1,223 in $5 bills. Must have been a rounding error. Arithmetic is like that sometimes. At first I was shocked! But I AM a believer now, and I owe it all to MLM. Except for what I still owe to the guy with the noisy sports car. Do you have any idea what 1,500 $5 bills look like piled up on a table? IT'S AWESOME! We tried it, but the table was in our back yard and a storm blew all the bills away. So now we're going to do this scheme all over again. This is what you MUST do: Order all 4 of my reports. Send $5.00 CASH for each one. No cheques, money orders, IOU's, movie coupons, ration stamps, bus tickets or Publisher's Clearing House stickers. Make sure the cash is concealed by wrapping it in at least two sheets of paper. And if you really want to be careful, write your address with your secret decoder ring, available from the back of any comic book, right next to the x-ray glasses and all the other MLM programs. Then you have to put your name at the bottom of a list and shift the other names up by one, before you send your own stuff out. We'll explain it all. Don't worry. Just send us your money. Trust us. This program WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER, but you must follow it EXACTLY! Someone didn't, and as a result a guy in Venezuela died. Chain letters have a way of doing that. What's great is that if you send out only 2,000 programs, and 1% of those people respond, and a whole bunch of idiots do the same thing to another 2,000 people, well, after a few times you'll get rich. Overlook the fact that this requires 8 trillion e-mails. Rest assured, you'll be at the front of the line. Advertising on the Net is very inexpensive. And remember, we don't call it junk mail or spam, we call it "Business Opportunity Advertising with three exclamation points!!!". For every $5.00 you receive from others, all you do is e-mail them the report they ordered. ALWAYS PROVIDE SAME-DAY SERVICE ON ALL ORDERS. Clog up the lines with all your e-mails, but don't ever be late with your customers. Fast service will guarantee that they will promptly send out their own whiny letters. And remember, you're counting on those suckers. ORDER YOUR REPORTS FROM: Get Rich Quick Enterprise Global Consolidated Universal Schemes Incopulated 123 Easy Street Anytown, USA If you've never heard of Easy Street, take the Boulevard of Dreams exit from the Golden Paved Highway and you'll find us across the street from the end of the rainbow. Send your money now. I said, NOW!!! PLEASE NOTE: Any testimonials or amounts of earnings listed in this letter may be factual or fictitious. |